In team sport, I have seen players who train harder than anyone else. They tick every box individually, but when it comes to playing with and for the team, something shifts. They become better athletes, but not always better teammates.
This might be an uncomfortable conversation, but it is worth having before a cultural mindset we once resisted begins to feel normal in Christian circles.
Lately, I have heard a phrase more and more among Catholics: “I’m just going to focus on myself from now on.”
On the surface, that sounds healthy. Proper self-care and self-awareness matter. If by “focusing on myself” we mean becoming healthier, holier and more stable so that we can love and serve others better, then that is entirely consistent with the Christian life.
Even Christ withdrew to lonely places to pray. He slept. He ate. He rested. But he did all of that in service of his mission. His solitude was never self-serving; it was strengthening.
What concerns me is that sometimes this modern version of “focusing on myself” does not seem ordered toward love at all. It sounds more like this: “I’ve given enough.” “I’m not putting in effort unless others do first.” “Everyone else can come to me.”
There is a subtle shift there, and it is not a Christian one.
Christians are a counter-cultural people. We follow a Lord who washed feet, who forgave from the Cross, who loved first. Christianity has never been about waiting for equal effort. It has always been about offering ourselves completely, even when the response is silence.
In every fractured relationship, someone has to move first. Someone has to send the first message, make the first call, extend the first olive branch. Sometimes our reluctance to be that person is not self-protection; it is pride.
This is not to dismiss genuine burnout or real wounds. There is a difference between setting healthy boundaries and retreating into self-preoccupation. Boundaries protect love. Self-preoccupation slowly erodes it.
With this mentality, we may indeed become better versions of ourselves in worldly terms. We may be more disciplined, more productive, more emotionally regulated. But that does not automatically make us better Christians.
The same principle applies on the field.
Imagine a talented player who trains relentlessly but refuses to adapt to the team. He ignores calls from teammates. He plays for highlight moments rather than structure. He expects others to adjust to him, but he never adjusts to them.
He may improve his individual performance. But he becomes a liability to the team.
Now imagine that same player training just as hard, but also studying how to use his gifts for the good of the whole. He communicates. He sacrifices touches. He defends for others. He learns when to step back and when to step up. He grows individually and collectively.
That is the call of the Christian life.
Whether we like it or not, we are on the same team – sons and daughters of God, created in his image and likeness. There is never a moment when growth is meant to terminate in ourselves. Christian maturity is always ordered outward.
This is why sin is never merely private. When we sin, we do not only damage our relationship with God; we wound the Body of Christ. And when we go to confession, we are not only reconciled with God; we are reconciled with the church. Our faith is communal at its core.
So yes, work on yourself. Pray more. Heal what needs healing. Grow in discipline. Become emotionally mature. Strengthen your interior life.
But do not forget the team.
The goal is not simply to become a better individual. The goal is to become a better member of the Body of Christ – someone whose strength makes everyone around them stronger, someone whose growth builds up the whole.
Because in the end, Christianity is not a solo performance. It is a shared mission.
And love always moves first.
