Lent is coming. And it’s time to rip the band-aid off and talk about young Catholics, resilience and the Christian life.
I am not a stoic person. I can show you a credit card statement that strongly suggests the exact opposite.
But I do understand the meaning and place of suffering in the Christian life. I learned this through doing some actual suffering.
Suffering is awful; we all try to avoid it, and that’s normal and human. But sometimes we can’t avoid it.
What’s the best way to prepare yourself for suffering that you can’t control or manage?
That would be through voluntary self-denial—what we used to call “mortifications” or “things that make you die a bit.”
Lent is a great place to challenge your softness and self-indulgence, with a view to getting better at saying “No” to yourself at other times of the year.
I recently read a provocative book called Bad Therapy, by Abigail Shrier. It’s a mixed bag, but she’s right about a lot of things.
Shrier is trying to warn parents not to rush their children off to mental health specialists for minor issues.
She’s also trying to warn schools to stop dabbling in “emotional wellbeing” therapy-type sessions with young children.
Research suggests that treating normal but uncomfortable parts of growing up as possible mental disorders is not good for young people.
This includes things like fear of the unknown, occasional loneliness, feeling awkward, discovering that you don’t know everything, not doing well on a test, and feeling stressed when you are in a stressful situation.
Shrier points out in her book that one of the reasons young people are not getting married is that they’re too scared.
As most of us know, the demands of marriage and parenting can be like putting your hand on the hot plate and not being able to take it off.
Are our young Catholics really prepared for the difficulties and hardships of full-time employment, marriage, and child-raising?
Are we preparing them properly in our youth ministries? Or are we wrapping them in yet another layer of cotton wool because it’s all so terribly difficult?
Reassuring young people that tough times are normal as they mature into adults is a good start.
But all of us also need a reminder that some suffering in life is normal, and not always bad for us.
When I was researching the history of mental health care in Australia, I found that when war broke out, admissions to mental hospitals plummeted.
It’s amazing how a national emergency can focus people who might otherwise feel as if they had no purpose in life.
Resilience studies also support this. Resilience is a life skill that can be taught and learnt.
It’s not always a fun lesson and is usually not accompanied by Jesus Plushies, wellness packs, or group affirmations.
Resilience is learnt through uncomfortable life experiences: things like failing a test, losing a friend, or being told something difficult to your face.
You feel awful. And then you turn to God and say, “What just happened?”
And if you let him go to work in you, you will find that with a bit of rational thought and some reflection, you will come out the other side.
Next time, it won’t be so bad. Rinse and repeat.
Resilience is a brilliant life skill that will make it easier for you to navigate the rapids of life. It can also help you to grow more holy and closer to God.
Growing in holiness always includes improving your ability to roll with life’s punches based on a more trusting relationship with God.
As you learn that God is not out to get you, you will be less terrified when something bad happens.
You still won’t like it, but you will be more willing to see it as a part of something bigger—something that’s helping you get to heaven.
Pursuing “wellness” is nice and mostly harmless. But it’s not a substitute for pursuing holiness, which usually comes through different forms of suffering.
Learning to grow through suffering—to develop resilience and self-control—will help the church and the world.
The Catholic religion is not a sachet of low-fat vegan hot chocolate powder in a wellness pamper pack.
It’s meant to be more like the kind of bourbon that kept US Civil War soldiers on their feet when they had nothing left in the tank.
This Lent, why not start learning resilience through a bit of small-scale voluntary suffering? It’s a pretty safe environment.
And who knows what you might learn about yourself, and about God?