If you’re a parent who feels like raising kids is harder than ever before, you’re probably not imagining it according to veteran family therapist Vanessa Harnischmacher.
But she also thinks there’s never been a harder time to be a kid.
The practice manager for Parent Line NSW, which is managed by CatholicCare Sydney, believes today’s parents are up against it on a number of fronts with changing societal attitudes about discipline, education, and mental health all playing a role along with tectonic shifts in technology, working and economic life.
Throw in the COVID pandemic and that means a lot more pressures on families.
The counselling and referral service for parents and carers with children aged 0-18 has taken over 250,000 calls and helped more than 135,000 families in need of support or compassionate reassurance since it was set up in 1994.
Harnischmacher, who also holds a psychology degree and is a parent herself, says COVID was the biggest stressor she has seen in more than a decade working for the free and confidential service.
“Since then, we’ve noticed a lot of anxiety about school and many children and young people not attending school,” she explained.
“We support parents in supporting their child and encourage them to feel that they’re in partnership with the school in working out what’s going on for their child.
“Schools can be rigid systems and take a long time to change and reflect wider social changes, but I think with COVID kids realised you can miss school and the world keeps turning.
“Parents are now also more aware that school can be really hard for some kids, and there’s been an increase in diagnosis and understanding of neurodiversity. All of those things impact on school attendance.”
Harnischmacher also agrees with the growing body of research showing links between social media use and poor mental health in children.
“I don’t want to demonise social media, because it’s really helpful for lots of kids, but I think it is a source of pressure for them having this portal into so many other people’s lives,” she said.
“But parents are more aware of those challenges and more open about their own mental health challenges too. And as a society generally, we’ve become more open about that.”
Worries about caring for a sick or crying baby, children’s social media use, and other concerns about mental health also prompt many of the calls to the service.
“Some of it is around parents separating and how to support their children at a time when parents are probably least equipped to do that because they’re going through their own grief and loss and reconfiguring themselves and their lives,” Harnischmacher added.
“Lots of people will say to us, ‘Oh my gosh, this has been more helpful than a session with my psychologist.’
“I think that’s because in one call, we do understand the context of what’s happening to them to make them want to pick up the phone, and then offer somewhere for them to go next.
“Whereas when you see someone face to face, you’ve got a much longer time to build a rapport and understand them. We’re almost like a counselling session on speed.”
Harnischmacher’s proud of her team based in Sydney’s Inner West which includes experienced psychologists and social workers, registered counsellors and family therapists.
“For many people it’s their first experience of a service like this and might be the first time they have ever reached out for support, and so we want it to be a really good and helpful one,” she said.
“Everyone just wants what’s best for their child, and despite all the changes affecting family life, what hasn’t changed is that a lot rests on the relationship with your child.
“And I do think parents bear more responsibility for the quality of that relationship.”
Parent Line NSW itself is the fruit of a successful partnership, funded by the Department of Communities and Justice NSW and managed by CatholicCare Sydney. In October the team marked its 30-year milestone with a celebration at Marrickville Pavilion.
Present were CatholicCare chief executive officer Alastair McGibbon and special guests and long-time supporters, including the Minister for Families and Communities Kate Washington MP and the NSW Children’s Guardian Steve Kinmond.
Marrawarra and Barkindji man Brendan Kerin opened the event with a Welcome to Country and spoke of the importance of supporting parents and carers, especially those who had difficult upbringings or lacked proper guidance themselves.
“We are so proud of this wonderful service and this amazing event acknowledging the hard work and dedication of our counsellors,” McGibbon said.
Parent Line NSW offers support in seven community languages and through TTY (text telephone). Parents or carers of children aged 0 to 18 needing support or reassurance can call Parent Line on 1300 1300 52 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday, and 4pm to 9pm Saturday and Sunday. Or visit parentline.org.au.