By James Franklin
A loneliness epidemic … a fertility crisis … they’re in the news and they’re serious. The younger generation, especially those with the bad luck to come of age during COVID lockdowns, is suffering declining mental health and isolation.
In “the old days” – 70 years ago – the Catholic Church was very active in heading off any such crisis. School leavers joined the CYO (Catholic Youth Organisation). Most parishes had a group. Soon enough there were Catholic marriages and Catholic baptisms.
The CYO declined in the 1960s and its model of social events like dances may not be right for the online generation. But surely it was right in its premise that for most people, the main solution to loneliness is real social interaction, often leading to successful marriages.
Current youth evangelisation, from World Youth Day down to parish youth groups, has its successes, but it is more for those already used to getting out in groups. They have well-developed social skills so they’re at least at Stage 1 in avoiding loneliness.
Something different is needed for those stuck in isolation with their electronic devices and unsure where to start. Unfortunately, the number of young adults who find gaming, doom-scrolling and watching cooking videos easier than talking to live people is growing all the time.
Here’s a suggestion from a rehabilitated geek who eventually found a life partner.
My personal observation is that parishes and other groups nowadays are tutoring young adults in Theology of the Body. St John Paul II had wonderful insights into Sacred Scripture and the phenomenology of sexuality. But it’s theory, when what’s needed first is some practical guidance on where to start.
Let’s go back to basics. Parishes and other groups should put on talks on “How to get married”. They should be simple, practical, and entertaining. They should appeal to the young people who would like to be married but are not getting anywhere. They should be given by married couples – not parish priests – so that they have credibility.
Here’s a preview of the content.
“Marriage: Getting There” would have three classes: being marriageable, finding a spouse, and walking down the aisle.
First, are you a good prospect? Would you choose you? Everyone can work on being a more cooperative and loving person. (The New Testament has some ideas.) It wouldn’t hurt to become more interesting as well by learning more; say, doing a course on philosophy. Well, that’s my recommendation as a professor, but if Aristotle’s not your thing, think of what is. Work on developing your interests, whether it’s Kurosawa movies or local history or running marathons.
Where can you find a good partner? Marriage is for life, so a good partner will ideally be generous, hard-working, idealistic, and kind. You might find people like this in a club on a Saturday night. But they are more likely to be involved in a church or in a secular equivalent such as a charity.
To make progress, you must plan and take some initiatives – ones adapted to your personality. For some it’s taking on charitable work, for others internet dating via a respectable service that works seriously on matching.
And you should do it sooner rather than later. It’s amazing how quickly the weeks and months and years pass. That’s equally true if you’re young or old.
If you meet someone who seems like a “possible”, then what? A tip: ask some questions – especially about the topic most people are guaranteed to be interested in, themselves. You may hear something “to your advantage”.
Good luck. And keep at it.
James Franklin is a married man of mature years and diverse interests. He formerly identified as socially clueless.
