We’ve been talking about how hard it can be to tell someone the truth when they’re trapped in a sinful lifestyle—or even just doing the same stupid thing over and over again.
So what is “fraternal correction”— and what isn’t?
The first rule of fraternal correction is: Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
I’m sure we’ve all met people who are really keen on fraternal correction of others but aren’t too keen on receiving it themselves.
Are you the person on the receiving end of correction? Try to be grateful.
I know your first urge is to tell the person to mind their own business, or perhaps something even more colourful.
But at least go away and think about it. If you can work out why you’re being corrected, that person has just done you a real favour.
Today I’d like to talk to those people who struggle to correct others even when it’s their job to do exactly that.
One of the reasons we avoid it is that it can make us feel uncomfortable. Helping other people can hurt more than you think.
People can avoid correcting others because they don’t want people to dislike them, and they’re scared of being told that they’re being judgmental.
But is it right to offload this responsibility on to other people? Not really.
So if you’re nervous, remember that Jesus gave us a model for fraternal correction in Matthew 18:15-18.
The first step is to tell the person specifically what they’ve done wrong in private—just you and them.
Hopefully they’ll listen, realise what they’ve done, and change their ways.
Parents need to do this with their children—but also friends with each other, and spouses with each other.
Parish clergy also sometimes need to do this with parishioners who are out of order.
If you get nowhere in private, what’s next? Jesus says that we then need to involve other people as witnesses.
But they should be the right people—not just randoms, or the entire English-speaking world.
This might involve telling your family about your spouse’s ongoing abuse.
It might mean telling the parish council that the finance officer has been embezzling.
It might mean telling the bishop that the vicar general was seen last Friday outside a local gay bar wearing a feather boa and not much else.
Why do we do this? It’s not because we love spreading bad news.
It’s because sometimes only the threat of wider exposure will make very vain and self-centred people mend their ways.
It also means that the right group of people can now take steps to prevent that person doing more harm.
But what if the person keeps doing the wrong thing? Then Jesus says that you need to sever relations with them.
Modern psychology has helped us to learn that some people will not change, no matter what.
Some people are incapable of remorse. Some people have no empathy and don’t care about the harm they do.
Some people are addicts—and an addict’s first love is always the thing they’re addicted to. They’re not available to love other human beings.
If you don’t correct these people, they will simply continue to harm others and themselves.
They will also bring public scandal. People will gossip and speculate if you don’t deal promptly and transparently with trouble.
For example, imagine how different Australia’s church history would be if bishops had denounced and laicised every single clergy sexual abuser the first time they got caught.
I can also tell you what fraternal correction isn’t. It’s name-calling and trolling strangers on social media, especially if you’re anonymous.
This is pointless. It makes no converts and wins no souls.
It’s feeding the very worst parts of your own heart, so that you risk losing your own soul.
Fraternal correction is also specific. It’s not going round getting in everyone’s faces about everything.
No one likes this, and eventually no one pays any attention to you.
In the olden days there was a list of things called the “seven spiritual works of mercy.”
Three of these were: counselling the doubtful, instructing the ignorant, and correcting the sinner.
Works of mercy like this are like all those other things Jesus told us to do if we wanted to be counted as sheep on his side, rather than goats going our own way.
If you do this right, they will also bring you blessings and graces—to make you stronger and braver for the next time you have to do it.
