Recently I wrote about priestly ordination numbers in Australia and overseas. This sparked a lively Facebook discussion. I’d like to revisit to an issue that came up. It’s the idea that priests should be available for more than just Mass-goers. And it’s true. Priests are ordained for the salvation of everyone.
But – and there is always a “but” – most of their parochial work is going to be serving the people who attend their parish.
So what’s going on there that might be exhausting them? I read a lengthy cry for help from someone who I assume is a priest. He said priests are expected to be spiritual and mental counsellors, social workers, job counsellors, community activists, and always on call for emergencies.
If all you want is Mass, no problem. If you want a pastor, big problem. All of this is a fair cop. And it’s also a useful wake-up call to the laity to examine their expectations of their parish priest.
A priest is ordained first and foremost to provide the sacraments. Only he can do that. So let’s help him to do that properly. The best way is for you and I to do everything else.
Lay people can be counsellors, psychologists, social workers, job counsellors, community activists, and on call for emergencies. Lay people can bring the Eucharist to the sick and home-bound and can let the priest know when those people need other sacraments.
They can manage parish finances, replace rain-soaked carpets, do fund-raising, run the RCIA program, serve morning teas, clean the church, tune the organ, sack the accountant, and call the police when a naked man starts screaming at the back of the church.
Lay people might also need to adjust their personal expectations. Father is not going to be available for long stories about your problems all the time.
This is especially the case in confession, where there may be other people waiting. Your parish priest also needs regular breaks just as much as you do. He needs to go on holiday sometimes, so let him.
In fact, encourage him and schedule it in if he’s one of those workaholic types (you know who you are). Remember that his diocese may be making him go to time-wasting meetings and compulsory events which sap his energy and will to live.
Having worked in both universities and the public service, I can tell you that these can be just as exhausting as running a half-marathon. Your parish priest may not also always want to come to your house for a meal. Is he being unfriendly and standoffish?
It might be because the last time he came over, you spent the evening telling him your entire family’s problems and asked for a quick and easy solution to a messy situation that was decades in the making.
Priests do need friends who they can visit and have a meal with, but without always being dragged into ongoing family dramas and used as free counselling. And he may not be very good at dinners because he’s an early riser and is nodding into his bowl of ice cream by 8pm.
Priests also need help with maintaining good boundaries. We love you, and we know you can be Superman if you want to. But for your own sake, please stop being Superman for a bit. Ask for help – and accept that help even when it’s not perfect.
Have a good referral network, use it, and regularly update it. Share it with your brother priests.
You need the names and numbers of good spiritual directors, social workers, counsellors, psychologists, plumbers, electricians, homeless and women’s shelters, the diocesan exorcist, and some nice holiday rentals. These people might not all be parishioners or even Catholics. But if they can do the job and are reliable and honest, it will all work out.
This referral network should also help you manage calls for help from non-Catholics. Yes, we love them too, but there are only so many hours in the day.
Perhaps then you will be able to answer those urgent sick calls and hospital visits – especially for someone’s Uncle Ned who hasn’t darkened a church door for the last seventy years. Burnout helps no one. It’s not a sign of sainthood, but it is a sign of poor boundaries.
A priest who is in a state of constant frazzle is on the primrose path to addictions and compulsions that will eat his priesthood out from under him.
We as lay people need to own our part in this and do better in future.
