As we approach World Marriage Day on 9 February, we are reminded of another celebrated figure of marital devotion—St Valentine. Today, his name evokes thoughts of flowers and romantic dinners.
Yet St Valentine’s true legacy speaks to something far more profound: the sacrificial nature of authentic love.
As a priest in third-century Rome, St Valentine defied Emperor Claudius II’s decree that prohibited young men from marrying so that they would be more readily available for military service. Believing in the sanctity of Christian marriage, he continued to perform weddings in secret.
When discovered, he was imprisoned and ultimately gave his life to uphold the sacred bond between husband and wife. His martyrdom serves as a powerful reminder that lasting love often demands courage and sacrifice.
Today’s couples face challenges that, while different from those of St Valentine’s time, are no less daunting. The intense pressures of modern life—career demands, financial stress, digital distractions, and the relentless pace of daily responsibilities—can gradually erode the foundation of even the strongest marriages.
Many couples find themselves living parallel lives rather than shared ones, managing households rather than nurturing relationships.
The tendency toward individualism in our culture can subtly transform marriage from a sacramental union into a mere partnership of convenience.
A healthy marriage relationship can enhance our coping capacity, increasing our personal resilience when under stress.
Knowing that we are we are deeply loved and appreciated, that our spouse is supporting us, ready to listen and encourage us, empowers us to rise above the challenges we face.
But if we let the constancy of stress and busyness deplete our intimacy, our marriage struggles to offer this benefit. Like a car running on empty, our marriage cannot sustain us in times of need.
Which is why we need to “refill the tank” regularly. Without this, two wonderful people can end up estranged, hurt, with each blaming the other for failing to be there for them when they need it.
Our marriage, and our spouse, can feel more like another burden rather the source of joy and grace in our life.
While the challenges to marriage are complex, one simple practice can help us pursue a lasting love: a commitment to daily, intentional connection.
This doesn’t require grand gestures or elaborate plans. Rather, it’s about creating a daily connection ritual—a brief but meaningful interaction (or two) that anchors us in our shared journey.
This may take the form of an evening walk to check-in with each other; this was a marriage-saver for us when we still had lots of children at home. Other couples use a morning coffee, or evening drink, to connect in a regular catch-up.
As Catholics, a time of prayer together places our relationship in the care of God and promotes our spiritual intimacy. It may be a shared Rosary, reflection on the daily scripture, or short prayer linked to some daily event like a meal.
In recent years, we have been praying Night Prayer (also called Compline), together, sometimes over the phone if one of us is out of town.
Part of the Liturgy of the Hours, it connects us with fellow believers around the world and helps us prepare for a restful sleep.
Whatever form these small moments take, when practiced consistently, they create a rhythm of togetherness that build a reservoir of connection upon which we can draw during the inevitable storms.
But new habits can be easily derailed by busyness, fatigue and forgetfulness. Start small and don’t be discouraged by relapses.
St Valentine’s witness reminds us that an authentic and lasting love is not merely a feeling but an intentional, daily choice—a decision to make time together a priority and a habit.
As we celebrate World Marriage Day, let us remember that pursuing a lasting love is not about achieving perfection but about growing together in grace, day by day.
Francine and Byron Pirola are the co-founders of SmartLoving.