Knowing that God, not our spouse, is the only one who can fully satisfy our hearts, is one of the most important things to remember when entering a relationship. This is what Sydney Catholic Youth team leader, Milad Khalil, told a crowd of 150 gathered at St Anne’s Hall in Bondi for the last Fidelis talk of the year.
The event, organised by Sydney Catholic Youth, began with adoration, followed by the talk, and finished with a walk to a park in Bondi where those who were gathered shared a meal.
Lachlan* 23, from an Inner West parish in Sydney said the event was an important one, given the lack of guidance about dating, especially when it comes to knowing what is appropriate.
“It was good to hear Milad talk on the importance of friendship as a foundation before pursing anything else,” he said.
“It’s easy to forget that what we want is someone who will accompany us and enjoy life with us, based on a good friendship. You want to be able to get along well with them before diving in.”
In addition to friendship, Milad had a few points on what people should and should not do to find and forge a successful relationship.
“Use your life while you’re still single, to form yourself as a person, Catholic, and a spouse of the future. Make sure to cultivate prayer and frequent the sacraments,” he said.
“Pray for your future spouse, even if you haven’t yet met them. Ask the Lord that they’re on the right path to God or continuing to follow God.
“When you meet a potential spouse, be yourself. This time should be spent seeing if you can have a friendship; watch to see if you grow to become best friends.”
Touching on respect and the importance of attraction, Milad made sure to emphasise that we should look for qualities that challenge us to become better people.
“I’ve known my wife for 20 years and she still challenges me to this day, and I love her for it,” he said.
Challenging the men in the audience, Milad put out a call for them to approach the person they are interested in with a genuine motive of commitment, and – where possible – pay the dinner bill. The latter advice caused many in attendance to laugh and nod in agreement.
When it came time to discuss what we should not do in a relationship, Milad spoke on not rushing into things, and not over spiritualising everything.
“Love can blind us; make sure you learn about how your values and beliefs line up,” he advised.
“And don’t have preconceived ideas of the role of the man and woman in a relationship, or marriage. Your attitude should be ‘I’m 100 per cent in’ and then you do what you must do as a couple to ensure the marriage and family unit functions as best as it can.”
Following the talk, the crowd had many questions, the most poignant being whether “The One” actually exists.
“I believe that love at first sight exists, but it’s not for the majority,” he answered. “For most of us, there are multiple people with whom we are compatible. At the end of the day, it comes down to making a choice.”
*Name has been changed for privacy.