We live in an age of marital pessimism. Divorce has touched almost every family, and many couples walk down the aisle quietly wondering whether they’ll beat the odds.
The statistics are sobering – somewhere between 30 and 50 per cent of marriages in Western countries will end in divorce. But here’s the thing: those odds are not fixed.
Research shows that certain choices and habits are associated with dramatically lower divorce rates – and for faithful Christians, the findings will come as no great surprise.
The behaviours the data consistently reward are ones the church has long encouraged. Far from being outdated restrictions, they turn out to be some of the most marriage-protective things a couple can do.
1. Waiting until marriage
This one will raise some eyebrows, but it’s worth sitting with, because the research points in a direction that might surprise you.
Studies consistently show that couples who wait until marriage tend to have stronger, more stable marriages over time.
The reasons aren’t entirely clear, but researchers suggest that saving sexual intimacy for marriage helps protect the psychological and relational foundations on which lifelong commitment depends.
The conventional wisdom says that experience before marriage helps us make a better choice of partner. But the evidence doesn’t really support that – if anything, it points the other way.
As Catholics, we have a richer vocabulary for why this might be.
We speak of the body as a gift – something to be given fully and freely to one person, in a covenant that holds nothing back.
Sexuality isn’t just physical; it shapes us, bonds us, and leaves an imprint on how we love. That’s why this topic matters so much in marriage preparation.
It’s not about shame or judgment – it’s about helping couples understand what’s at stake and giving them the tools to address their history honestly, reset their relationship, and move forward together with hope.
2. Using a fertility awareness method
FAMs are sometimes presented as simply a Catholic alternative to contraception. It turns out to be rather more than that.
Research drawing on national health surveys (USA) has found that couples who use FAMs tend to have notably lower rates of divorce and separation than those who rely on other forms of contraception.
One study found FAM use was associated with significantly lower odds of divorce – a finding that holds even when researchers account for the fact that FAM users tend to be people of committed faith.
It’s worth asking why. FAM requires ongoing conversation about fertility, cycles, and family planning.
It calls for periodic abstinence and a shared understanding of each other’s bodies.
These aren’t just inconveniences to be managed – they’re habits that build exactly the kind of intimacy, respect, and self-mastery of which strong marriages are made.
In other words, the practice of a FAM itself may be doing something good for the relationship – not just reflecting the virtues already there.
3. Going to church together
Of the three, this one has the most extensive research behind it and the findings are striking.
Large-scale studies consistently show that couples who regularly attend religious services are significantly less likely to divorce than those who don’t. Some of these studies found the difference as large as 50 per cent.
But there’s an important nuance: it’s not enough to simply identify as Catholic or Christian. Research suggests that nominal faith, without regular practice, offers little of this protective effect.
What makes the difference is active, committed practice and the effect is strongest when both spouses attend together.
Researchers point to shared prayer as especially significant; not just attendance, but the habit of praying together as a couple. It turns out that this simple practice is one of the strongest predictors of marital happiness and stability.
Building something that lasts
What strikes us about these three habits is that they all point in the same direction: toward a way of living marriage as a serious, intentional, and sacred commitment – not just a feeling to be enjoyed while it lasts.
Each of them involves a degree of self-discipline and trust in something larger than ourselves.
The world can frame these practices as sacrifices or restrictions. We’d suggest they are investments – in each other, in our future, and in the kind of love that deepens over time rather than fades.
Francine & Byron Pirola are the co-founders of SmartLoving. For links and references, search for ‘3 practices’ at www.smartloving.org/blog
