From time to time, people ask me where I get my ideas for these columns.
To be honest, I write the columns that I need to read. I’m really just talking to myself, and you’re listening in on my inner monologue.
But it seems that Catholic podcaster Matt Fradd is also listening to my inner monologue (hi Matt!).
He recently said exactly the same thing on his Facebook page that I’d said a few days earlier to someone else.
He said that social media use could become like pornography addiction. And I think he’s right.
Let me explain how I got here. We’re now into Advent, and I try some small discipline each week that I think will do me good.
Advent can be like mini-Lent – a soft opening for next year’s efforts.
So this week I am looking closely at how I use social media, with a view to doing less of it.
I need to do this because I find that I am losing patience with too many people.
Thing is, I don’t even use social media much. I have a Twitter/X account but have never used it. There are about five photos on my Instagram page.
I have a private Facebook page that I do use, and if you’re one of my small number of friends, you know that it’s completely boring.
I have met most of my 200 or so Facebook friends in real life. Only about six of them follow my page regularly, and that’s fine with me.
But I find now that even on Facebook, I am seeing people who I like – and want to keep liking – saying and doing things that make me think, “Who are you?”
And sometimes, “What on earth is wrong with you?”
Some of them have become addicted to spewing rage about conflicts in places where they don’t live and are unlikely to visit any time soon.
They confuse confirmation bias with “research” and never go beyond what their social media algorithm is pumping at them.
They try to force the church and other Catholics to take sides in situations where the church has a centuries-long track record of being very cautious.
They stick the label “Catholic” on one random person’s opinion of what they think the church should do.
They are immersed in other countries’ problems and internal politics to an amazing – and I would say ridiculous – degree.
It must feel so weird when they come up for air and realise they actually live in suburban Australia and have to put the bins out tonight.
But maybe that’s the point. It’s more fun to live in a fantasy world where your ability to regurgitate political talking points makes you an expert.
That’s when it struck me that this is like being addicted to online pornography.
You’re bored and tired, so you go looking for your favourite thing that makes you feel better.
You immerse yourself in it for titillation and entertainment.
You get a hormone rush and a pleasurable release at someone else’s expense.
And like porn, none of this builds good relationships in real life. It erodes existing good relationships and goodwill.
And it’s also sapping my energy and filling me with despair just thinking about it, let alone writing about it.
Even my limited amount of social media use is becoming a distraction from my primary duty in life.
This is to learn to love, be patient with, and tolerate a whole bunch of people who I sometimes find really difficult to understand, work with, or worship with.
To do that, I need everything I’ve got in the tank, especially at this time of year.
So please don’t be offended if I don’t accept your Facebook friend requests if I haven’t met you in real life.
You’re not missing out on anything special. I share religious stuff and very occasionally some modest politics.
But mostly it’s photos of the cat, jigsaw puzzles, outings to classical concerts, the garden, and my Christmas cakes.
This is what inner peace looks like. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
It also gives me the space to pray for the online rage junkies in my life (whose numbers seem to be increasing).
So I challenge you – I dare you – to find out if you’re addicted to this stuff yourself.
Abstain from it this Advent, even for a limited time.
At the very least, think more about how and why you’re using social media.
Please do this before you burn any more of the bridges God has put in your life to help you.